Life And Death

When I was young I was never comtemplating about Life and Death, but since I have seen family members and friends pass away, my views have changed to deeper grounds. As we just have lost a friend and neighbour to cancer, the matter of dying is at the forefront of my mind again. Maybe it is just that my parents always shielded me from this most substantial matter of human life, but I still struggle with the fact that someone close, someone I knew and someone I just talked to is gone forever and will never be there again. Sure, we all know that everybody, whether rich or poor, some day will go, but from there arriving at the factual passing away, is still a huge step for me.  In my mind I am playing over and over the last conversation, the last discussion, the last words. Likewise the image of the person, as I saw it the last time, will never fade. I can wake up at night mulling over and over what just happened, and it will keep me from falling asleep again. This is a complicated matter for me to speak about at all, so bear with me if this just sounds like a big mumble-jumble. It does help me to write things down, almost like it is manifesting its meaning, becoming the unchangeable truth. Whether I will ever get better at dealing with Life and Death I don’t know.