I Might Not Have The Right Words For This

All readers who really know us and have followed us for some time also know about Molly, our dog of 15 years. This summer, Molly developed some problems with her hind legs or rather the left hind one. The leg seemed too weak to carry her so she started falling onto her bum or walked in circles. After a visit to the vet we ruled out arthritis as a reason so a different, maybe neurological problem, caused the weakness in her hind legs. Her problems then intensified over the last couple of months and accellerated further over the last 2 weeks. It is with a very heavy heart that I have to announce her passing on October 11. The vet came into our vehicle where we had all gathered round Molly. I am extremely bad in dealing with matters of death but I heldt out on the frontseat of the van. Bea had Molly’s cute little face in her hands and I saw Molly’s big eyes focussed on Bea.  It only took a few minutes and Molly fell asleep, then her little heart stopped beating. That was when we broke down. The 2 vets graciously retracted from the van, leaving us totally devastated. Molly was laid to rest in a casket I had made for her and a cross is marking her grave in the rear of our garden. All pet owners will agree that the day they have to let go is one of the worst in their lives. Molly was our 4th dog and we have been going through this painful period of saying goodbye every time, it still is as unbearable as the first time, and the feeling of being left alone, the pity  and yes, even guilt and the feeling of being powerless becomes overwhelming for us. We hug each other trying to console and finding reassurance in each other’s tears. I come home and Molly is not there, I prepare dinner and Molly is not begging for scraps. Her bed corner is empty, her food bowl gone. Even the last dog feed has been given to a neighbour. I am so confused and feeling hollow. Of course, Molly was 15 years old and that is a respectable age for any dog. But she wasn’t looking her age - not at all. She still loved her food and was at the table hoping for hand-outs. She never really barked a lot, she never growled at another dog, though she was attacked by another dog when she was still young and  a few years ago by a coyote in Alberta. Molly was just a 3-months old puppy when we got her. I took her up and lost me heart within 3 seconds in a farm yard in 2003. After we had bought that farm and moved there in April, we also got Boomer, a 5-year old Labrador Retriever. Boomer became Molly’s teacher. Boomer told her how to behave and it worked. Boomer was phenomenal. We never had to tell Molly anything. When we started traveling during the winters, Molly and Boomer were riding along on the backseat of our crewcab pickup. Both dogs have been in Vancouver,BC, San Francisco and San Diego, Phoenix,AZ and all over Texas. In 2008 we lost Boomer to cancer in Denver, CO and again we could not find sleep. Boomer was such a great guy and friendly with every dog and human. Our 2 dogs were avid travelers and have seen much more than many humans will ever see. Boomer loved the water, while Molly remained a dog for the forest. The only thing she ever was interested in on a beach was eating stinking crab shells and rolling in fish cadavers. Once we were guesting an RV park close to Tucson,AZ. The area was infested with Cholla cactus. Boomer had the habit of doing his main business by hanging his bum into a shrub. He also tried that with a Cholla cactus!  He came out of there pretty darn quick. He also stuck his nose into a porcupine the evening before we were about to start out on our first trip to the south. Molly stayed mostly out of trouble. She was very cautious, but got scared a couple of times when getting her snout too close to a garter snake. And once she almost got bitten by a rattler in Alberta’s badlands. Molly had no knowledge of the dangers of approaching cars. She would wander the street as if it was a green meadow. But we were always close and got her out of the way. It is said that dogs never die as they live on for ever in the hearts of their owners. And that is exactly the way we feel it as well. R.I.P Molly