Friday, January 16, 2015

A Letter To Tech Support

Dear Reader!

I bet you are one of them computer users who are just that USERS, but not totally tech savvy. Right? When you encounter your computer running slow or get en outright message that a nasty virus is rampaging between your precious data folders then you eventually succumb to call tech support – which most likely is a non-English speaking   expert located in India.

From a friend I received the following dialog about a special “software” he’s been having problems with for years. (hint:…his wife might be part of this)

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend5.0 to Husband1. 0, and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband1.0  uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance9.5 and Personal Attention6.5; and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA5.0. NFL and Golf Clubs4.1.
Conversation8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning2.6, simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html, and try to download Tears6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt3.0 update.  If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry2.0 and Flowers3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence2.5, Happy Hour7.0, or Beer6.1.  Please note that Beer6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
In addition, please
do not attempt  to reinstall  the Boyfriend5.0 program. These are unsupported applications that will crash Husband1.0.
In summary, Husband1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.  You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Cooking3.0 and Hot Lingerie7.7.

Good Luck!
Tech Support

Over here It’s been packing day as we are to move into civilisation tomorrow. Luckily, the heat wave is prevailing so we don’t have to battle the problems of a frosty winter day. It might seem strange to you but I am almost feeling sad to abandon the days of camping, yet I know that life will be a lot more comfortable if I don’t have to worry about frost getting into our water system. We will leave the stubborn fridge behind and disconnect the trailer from the greedy power meter. I have purchased gallons of pink-colored plumbing antifreeze which we will inject into the water lines and tanks tomorrow. Said 4l of antifreeze has a local price tag of nearly 11 Bucks plus tax, while the same quantity can be had in the U.S. for around 4-5Bucks/gal.


  1. OMG that was funny ! So glad to hear you are finally moving into that WARM house !!

  2. A warm house will be nice and lessen your worries, enjoy.


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